diff --git a/README.md b/README.md
index 5a889a9..6a432b4 100644
--- a/README.md
+++ b/README.md
@@ -14,7 +14,7 @@ As of now, some of the cool things Slacker News has include:
 - Dynamic OpenGraph Metadata
 - Light/dark mode
 - Slack channel/user tagging
-- Privacy-concious analytics (abacus)
+- Privacy-concious [analytics](https://plausible.io/news.hackclub.com) w/ Plausible
 
 ## Technical Contributions
 
diff --git a/src/components/AbacusCounter.astro b/src/components/AbacusCounter.astro
deleted file mode 100644
index 1a1a5c0..0000000
--- a/src/components/AbacusCounter.astro
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,27 +0,0 @@
----
-import { generateAbacusKey, getAbacusHitUrl } from "../lib/abacus";
-
-interface Props {
-  pathname: string;
-}
-
-const { pathname } = Astro.props;
-const abacusKey = generateAbacusKey(pathname);
-const abacusUrl = getAbacusHitUrl(abacusKey);
----
-
-<script is:inline define:vars={{ abacusUrl, abacusKey }}>
-  fetch(abacusUrl)
-    .then(response => {
-      if (response.ok) {
-        return response.json();
-      }
-      throw new Error(`Abacus API error: ${response.status}`);
-    })
-    .then(data => {
-      console.debug(`Page views for '${abacusKey}': ${data.value}`);
-    })
-    .catch(error => {
-      console.warn(`Failed to update page counter: ${error.message}`);
-    });
-</script>
diff --git a/src/layouts/BaseLayout.astro b/src/layouts/BaseLayout.astro
index e6a50f3..37de578 100644
--- a/src/layouts/BaseLayout.astro
+++ b/src/layouts/BaseLayout.astro
@@ -1,6 +1,4 @@
 ---
-import AbacusCounter from "../components/AbacusCounter.astro";
-
 interface Props {
   title?: string;
   description?: string;
@@ -165,7 +163,7 @@ const socialImageAlt = openGraphImageAlt ?? `${siteTitle} social preview`;
             <span class="nav-pip">|</span>
             <a class="page-link" href="/feed.xml">RSS</a>
             <span class="nav-pip">|</span>
-            <a class="page-link" href="/stats/">Stats</a>
+            <a class="page-link" href="https://plausible.io/news.hackclub.com">Stats</a>
             <span class="nav-pip js-only">|</span>
             <button class="page-link theme-toggle js-only" id="theme-toggle" type="button">Dark Mode</button>
           </div>
@@ -178,6 +176,5 @@ const socialImageAlt = openGraphImageAlt ?? `${siteTitle} social preview`;
         <slot />
       </div>
     </main>
-    <AbacusCounter pathname={Astro.url.pathname} />
   </body>
 </html>
diff --git a/src/lib/abacus.ts b/src/lib/abacus.ts
deleted file mode 100644
index bc4784a..0000000
--- a/src/lib/abacus.ts
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,55 +0,0 @@
-/**
- * Generate an Abacus counter key based on the page pathname
- * Examples:
- *   "/" → "page_index"
- *   "/about" → "page_about"
- *   "/news/article-name" → "news_article-name"
- *   "/opinion/better-goodbyes" → "opinion_better-goodbyes"
- */
-export function generateAbacusKey(pathname: string): string {
-  // Remove leading/trailing slashes
-  const cleanPath = pathname.replace(/^\/+|\/+$/g, "");
-
-  if (!cleanPath) {
-    return "page_index";
-  }
-
-  const normalizedSegments = cleanPath
-    .split("/")
-    .map((segment) => {
-      try {
-        return decodeURIComponent(segment);
-      } catch {
-        return segment;
-      }
-    })
-    .map((segment) => segment.toLowerCase().replace(/[^a-z0-9_.-]/g, "-").replace(/-+/g, "-"))
-    .map((segment) => segment.replace(/^-+|-+$/g, ""))
-    .filter(Boolean);
-
-  if (normalizedSegments.length === 0) {
-    return "page_index";
-  }
-
-  if (normalizedSegments.length === 1) {
-    // Single-level page like "/about" → "page_about"
-    return `page_${normalizedSegments[0]}`.slice(0, 64);
-  }
-
-  // Multi-level like "/news/article-name" → "news_article-name"
-  return normalizedSegments.join("_").slice(0, 64);
-}
-
-/**
- * Get the Abacus API URL for hitting a counter
- */
-export function getAbacusHitUrl(key: string, namespace: string = "news.hackclub.com"): string {
-  return `https://abacus.jasoncameron.dev/hit/${namespace}/${key}`;
-}
-
-/**
- * Get the Abacus API URL for retrieving counter value
- */
-export function getAbacusGetUrl(key: string, namespace: string = "news.hackclub.com"): string {
-  return `https://abacus.jasoncameron.dev/get/${namespace}/${key}`;
-}
diff --git a/src/pages/stats.astro b/src/pages/stats.astro
deleted file mode 100644
index 0eb3a38..0000000
--- a/src/pages/stats.astro
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,418 +0,0 @@
----
-import BaseLayout from "../layouts/BaseLayout.astro";
-import { generateAbacusKey, getAbacusGetUrl } from "../lib/abacus";
-import { getChangelogEntries, getPosts, getSiteConfig, type ChangelogEntry } from "../lib/content";
-
-const site = await getSiteConfig();
-const posts = await getPosts();
-
-type CounterRow = {
-  key: string;
-  path: string;
-  label: string;
-  kind: "page" | "article" | "changelog";
-  url: string;
-};
-
-const staticPaths = ["/", "/about/", "/submissions/", "/acknowledgements/", "/changelogs/", "/news/", "/opinion/", "/essays/", "/stats/"];
-
-const pageRows: CounterRow[] = staticPaths.map((path) => {
-  const key = generateAbacusKey(path);
-  return {
-    key,
-    path,
-    label: path === "/" ? "Homepage" : `Page: ${path.replace(/^\//, "").replace(/\/$/, "")}`,
-    kind: "page",
-    url: getAbacusGetUrl(key)
-  };
-});
-
-const articleRows: CounterRow[] = posts.map((post) => {
-  const key = generateAbacusKey(post.url);
-  return {
-    key,
-    path: post.url,
-    label: `Article: ${post.title}`,
-    kind: "article",
-    url: getAbacusGetUrl(key)
-  };
-});
-
-const changelogRows: CounterRow[] = (await getChangelogEntries())
-  .filter((entry): entry is Extract<ChangelogEntry, { kind: "long" }> => entry.kind === "long")
-  .map((entry) => {
-    const key = generateAbacusKey(entry.url);
-    return {
-      key,
-      path: entry.url,
-      label: `Changelog: ${entry.title}`,
-      kind: "changelog",
-      url: getAbacusGetUrl(key)
-    };
-  });
-
-const rowsByKey = new Map<string, CounterRow>();
-for (const row of [...pageRows, ...articleRows, ...changelogRows]) {
-  if (!rowsByKey.has(row.key)) {
-    rowsByKey.set(row.key, row);
-  }
-}
-
-const counterRows = Array.from(rowsByKey.values());
----
-
-<BaseLayout title="Pageview Stats" siteTitle={site.title} siteDescription={site.description}>
-  <section class="stats-page">
-    <h1>Pageview Stats</h1>
-    <p>Live totals for all tracked pages, articles, and longform changelogs.</p>
-
-    <div class="stats-sections">
-      <section class="stats-block">
-        <h2>All Views</h2>
-        <div class="stats-table-wrap">
-          <table class="stats-table">
-            <thead>
-              <tr>
-                <th scope="col">Views</th>
-                <th scope="col">Path</th>
-                <th scope="col">Title</th>
-              </tr>
-            </thead>
-            <tbody id="abacus-total-body"></tbody>
-          </table>
-        </div>
-      </section>
-
-      <section class="stats-block">
-        <h2>Pages</h2>
-        <div class="stats-table-wrap">
-          <table class="stats-table">
-            <thead>
-              <tr>
-                <th scope="col">Views</th>
-                <th scope="col">Path</th>
-                <th scope="col">Title</th>
-              </tr>
-            </thead>
-            <tbody id="abacus-pages-body"></tbody>
-          </table>
-        </div>
-      </section>
-
-      <section class="stats-block">
-        <h2>News</h2>
-        <div class="stats-table-wrap">
-          <table class="stats-table">
-            <thead>
-              <tr>
-                <th scope="col">Views</th>
-                <th scope="col">Path</th>
-                <th scope="col">Title</th>
-              </tr>
-            </thead>
-            <tbody id="abacus-news-body"></tbody>
-          </table>
-        </div>
-      </section>
-
-      <section class="stats-block">
-        <h2>Essays</h2>
-        <div class="stats-table-wrap">
-          <table class="stats-table">
-            <thead>
-              <tr>
-                <th scope="col">Views</th>
-                <th scope="col">Path</th>
-                <th scope="col">Title</th>
-              </tr>
-            </thead>
-            <tbody id="abacus-other-body"></tbody>
-          </table>
-        </div>
-      </section>
-
-      <section class="stats-block">
-        <h2>Changelogs</h2>
-        <div class="stats-table-wrap">
-          <table class="stats-table">
-            <thead>
-              <tr>
-                <th scope="col">Views</th>
-                <th scope="col">Path</th>
-                <th scope="col">Title</th>
-              </tr>
-            </thead>
-            <tbody id="abacus-changelogs-body"></tbody>
-          </table>
-        </div>
-      </section>
-    </div>
-
-    <noscript>
-      <p>Enable JavaScript to view live stats.</p>
-    </noscript>
-  </section>
-
-  <script is:inline define:vars={{ counterRows }}>
-    function formatNumber(value) {
-      return new Intl.NumberFormat("en-US").format(value);
-    }
-
-    async function getCounterValue(row) {
-      try {
-        const response = await fetchWithRetry(row.url);
-        if (!response.ok) {
-          return { ...row, value: null, error: `HTTP ${response.status}` };
-        }
-
-        const data = await response.json();
-        const parsed = Number(data?.value);
-        return { ...row, value: Number.isFinite(parsed) ? parsed : 0, error: null };
-      } catch (error) {
-        const message = error instanceof Error ? error.message : "Request failed";
-        return { ...row, value: null, error: message };
-      }
-    }
-
-    async function wait(ms) {
-      return new Promise((resolve) => setTimeout(resolve, ms));
-    }
-
-    async function fetchWithRetry(url, maxAttempts = 3) {
-      for (let attempt = 1; attempt <= maxAttempts; attempt++) {
-        const response = await fetch(url);
-        if (response.status !== 429 || attempt === maxAttempts) {
-          return response;
-        }
-
-        const retryAfterMs = Number(response.headers.get("Retry-After")) || 1000;
-        await wait(Math.min(5000, Math.max(250, retryAfterMs)));
-      }
-
-      return fetch(url);
-    }
-
-    function appendCell(rowElement, text) {
-      const cell = document.createElement("td");
-      cell.textContent = text;
-      rowElement.appendChild(cell);
-      return cell;
-    }
-
-    function sumValues(rows) {
-      return rows.reduce((total, row) => total + (row.value ?? 0), 0);
-    }
-
-    function loadedRows(rows) {
-      return rows.filter((row) => row.value !== null);
-    }
-
-    function createViewsCell(value, maxValue) {
-      const cell = document.createElement("td");
-      cell.className = "views-cell";
-
-      const valueWrap = document.createElement("div");
-      valueWrap.className = "views-value-wrap";
-
-      const text = document.createElement("span");
-      text.className = "views-value";
-
-      if (value === null) {
-        text.textContent = "n/a";
-        cell.classList.add("views-cell-na");
-        valueWrap.appendChild(text);
-        cell.appendChild(valueWrap);
-        return cell;
-      }
-
-      text.textContent = formatNumber(value);
-
-      const barWrap = document.createElement("div");
-      barWrap.className = "views-bar-wrap";
-
-      const bar = document.createElement("div");
-      bar.className = "views-bar";
-      const percentage = maxValue > 0 ? (value / maxValue) * 100 : 0;
-      bar.style.width = `${Math.max(8, Math.min(100, percentage))}%`;
-      barWrap.appendChild(bar);
-
-      valueWrap.appendChild(text);
-      valueWrap.appendChild(barWrap);
-      cell.appendChild(valueWrap);
-      return cell;
-    }
-
-    function createSubtotalRow(label, value, maxValue) {
-      const row = document.createElement("tr");
-      row.className = "stats-subtotal";
-
-      row.appendChild(createViewsCell(value, maxValue));
-
-      appendCell(row, "-");
-      appendCell(row, label);
-
-      return row;
-    }
-
-    function createDataRow(result, maxValue) {
-      const row = document.createElement("tr");
-      row.className = "stats-row";
-
-      row.appendChild(createViewsCell(result.value, maxValue));
-
-      const pathCell = document.createElement("td");
-      const pathLink = document.createElement("a");
-      pathLink.href = result.path;
-      pathLink.textContent = result.path;
-      pathCell.appendChild(pathLink);
-      row.appendChild(pathCell);
-
-      appendCell(row, result.label);
-
-      if (result.error) {
-        row.title = result.error;
-      }
-
-      return row;
-    }
-
-    function appendSection(body, options) {
-      const { label, rows, maxValue } = options;
-      const total = sumValues(loadedRows(rows));
-      body.appendChild(createSubtotalRow(label, total, maxValue));
-
-      for (const row of rows) {
-        body.appendChild(createDataRow(row, maxValue));
-      }
-    }
-
-    async function loadStats() {
-      const totalBody = document.getElementById("abacus-total-body");
-      const pagesBody = document.getElementById("abacus-pages-body");
-      const newsBody = document.getElementById("abacus-news-body");
-      const otherBody = document.getElementById("abacus-other-body");
-      const changelogsBody = document.getElementById("abacus-changelogs-body");
-
-      if (!totalBody || !pagesBody || !newsBody || !otherBody || !changelogsBody) return;
-
-      const results = await Promise.all(counterRows.map(getCounterValue));
-
-      const pages = results.filter((row) => row.kind === "page").sort((a, b) => (b.value ?? 0) - (a.value ?? 0));
-      const articleRows = results.filter((row) => row.kind === "article").sort((a, b) => (b.value ?? 0) - (a.value ?? 0));
-      const changelogs = results.filter((row) => row.kind === "changelog").sort((a, b) => (b.value ?? 0) - (a.value ?? 0));
-      const news = articleRows.filter((row) => row.path.startsWith("/news/"));
-      const nonNewsArticles = articleRows.filter((row) => !row.path.startsWith("/news/"));
-      const loaded = loadedRows(results);
-      const maxValue = Math.max(sumValues(loaded), ...loaded.map((row) => row.value ?? 0), 1);
-
-      totalBody.textContent = "";
-      pagesBody.textContent = "";
-      newsBody.textContent = "";
-      otherBody.textContent = "";
-      changelogsBody.textContent = "";
-
-      totalBody.appendChild(createSubtotalRow("All Tracked Views", sumValues(loaded), maxValue));
-      appendSection(pagesBody, { label: "Pages Total", rows: pages, maxValue });
-      appendSection(newsBody, { label: "News Total", rows: news, maxValue });
-      appendSection(otherBody, { label: "Other Articles Total", rows: nonNewsArticles, maxValue });
-      appendSection(changelogsBody, { label: "Changelog Total", rows: changelogs, maxValue });
-
-    }
-
-    loadStats();
-  </script>
-</BaseLayout>
-
-<style>
-  .stats-sections {
-    display: grid;
-    gap: 1.5rem;
-  }
-
-  .stats-block {
-    padding: 0.75rem;
-  }
-
-  .stats-block h2 {
-    font-size: 1rem;
-    margin: 0 0 0.75rem;
-    color: #444;
-  }
-
-  .stats-table-wrap {
-    overflow-x: auto;
-  }
-
-  .stats-table {
-    width: 100%;
-    border-collapse: collapse;
-    min-width: 32rem;
-  }
-
-  .stats-table th,
-  .stats-table td {
-    padding: 0.4rem 0.5rem;
-    text-align: left;
-    vertical-align: top;
-    white-space: nowrap;
-  }
-
-  .stats-table th {
-    font-weight: 600;
-    color: #666;
-    border-bottom: 1px solid #ddd;
-  }
-
-  .stats-table td {
-    border-bottom: 1px solid #eee;
-  }
-
-  .stats-row td {
-    color: #333;
-  }
-
-  .stats-subtotal {
-    font-weight: 600;
-  }
-
-  .stats-subtotal td {
-    border-top: 2px solid #ccc;
-    background: #fafafa;
-  }
-
-  .views-value {
-    display: inline-block;
-    min-width: 3ch;
-  }
-
-  .views-cell-na {
-    color: #888;
-  }
-
-  .views-value-wrap {
-    display: flex;
-    align-items: center;
-    gap: 0.5rem;
-  }
-
-  .views-bar-wrap {
-    min-width: 6rem;
-    max-width: 8rem;
-    height: 0.4rem;
-    background: #eee;
-    border-radius: 2px;
-    overflow: hidden;
-  }
-
-  .views-bar {
-    height: 100%;
-    background: #666;
-    border-radius: 2px;
-  }
-
-  @media (max-width: 720px) {
-    .stats-table {
-      min-width: 28rem;
-    }
-  }
-</style>
\ No newline at end of file